Nurse Audrey's Stress Relief

Your Stress Relief Minute

Distortional Thought Patterns - continued

Welcome back to our discussion on the ten forms of distortional thought patterns as outlined by Dr. David Burns. Previously we mentioned that our beliefs, perceptions, and attitudes give rise to our interpretation of events. These interpretations in turn create negative emotions which can often lead to a distorted view of the event. The ten cognitive distortions form the basis of all negative emotions and ultimately the consequences they bring.

The previous three newsletters briefly covered seven cognitive distortions which form the basis of our self-defeating emotions. The seven cognitive distortions covered were: all-or-nothing thinking, overgeneralization, negative mental filter, disqualifying the positive, jumping to conclusions, magnification and minimizing or catastrophizing, and emotional reasoning. If you missed these newsletters, you will be able to find them in the archives.

Today we will touch briefly on the last three patterns of distortional thinking as defined by Dr. Burns.

8. “Should” Statements or Fixed-Rule Thinking

People in this type of thought pattern are stuck in their own mandate trying to motivate themselves by statements like “I should do this.” or “I must do that.” Even though they are compelled by their own thinking to feel this way, they nonetheless fall short of achieving their shoulds and should nots. If they direct these types of statements to others, they invariably become frustrated and resentful if these do not produce the results they expect.

The more rigid the rules, the greater the person's disappointment as they endeavour to force others to follow them. Unfortunately, these rigid and unhappy people's lives are riddled with worry, depression, frustration, irritation and guilt, leaving them unfulfilled and unhappy.

9. Labeling and Mislabeling

Have you ever heard someone calling another person lazy, good-for-nothing, or using some other negative connotation? Have you ever spoken to yourself in these negative terms? We do so often because of our own low self-esteem. The problem gets worse because eventually we will live up to these labels, as they become self-fulfilling prophecies.

Labeling ourselves creates a negative self-image, which is usually based on our mistakes. Our “self” cannot be equated with any one thing we do. Our life is an ever-changing flow of thoughts, emotions, and actions.

Unfortunately, this type of negative labeling is not only directed toward ourselves, but also toward children and to the weaker ones in a relationship. Some years ago I observed a father verbally abusing his son in such a manner, calling him all types of demeaning names. I hurt for the child and have often wondered if he also developed into a verbal abuser. Unfortunately this is most often the case. We should stop defining ourselves and others with negative labels.

10. Personalization

This distortion causes us to feel paralyzing guilt, because we take the blame and responsibility for the actions of others. This type of thinking is most often seen in children from dysfunctional families after a traumatic incident, such as the death of a parent or sibling, or a divorce. Probably due to the lack of positive affirmation and possibly the overwhelming grief, they shift the blame of an outcome onto themselves. In their thinking, they take on an inordinate amount of guilt, basically believing and living out a lie.

The process of working through the guilt is to realize that we cannot control others, we can only influence them. What others do is ultimately their own responsibility, not ours. Should you be caught in this trap, or know of someone who is, I encourage you to seek freedom.

We have now had a look at ten forms of distortional thought patterns. Participating in any one or more of these can cause an undue state of stress. I hope that you have received some benefit from these newsletters.

Join me in two weeks when we will shed some light on how you can begin to live a more balanced and stress-free life.

To lighten your day:

A tourist got separated from his tour group in the Sahara. He begged a passing nomad for water. “Sorry,” said the tribesman, “I have no water, but I do have some lovely neckties I will sell you.”

“You must be crazy,” the tourist said. Nearly dead from thirst, he spied another man.

“Water!” the tourist gasped. “Please, give me water.”
“I have no water, only these handsome ties.”

The wretched tourist stumbled on until amazingly, he saw a grand hotel in the distance. Crawling to the foyer, he cried, “Please give me water!”

“Sorry, sir,” the concierge replied. “We don't let anyone in without a tie.”

Till next time… “Nurse Audrey” signing off!

Questions/Comments: audrey@possibilitiesnetwork.com
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