Nurse Audrey’s Stress Relief Blog

What’s over? you ask. Why, it’s the lazy hazy days of summer. It almost feels like we are on the threshold of a new year. Because it is “back to school time” this newsletter is devoted to some important issues pertaining to parenting. Should you have children that are facing some “back to school issues” you may have more on your plate than you are bargaining for. The first flush and excitement of the new school year will soon wear off, the homework will come fast and furious; the meeting of new friends and the need to “fit in” will become paramount.

Beginning junior and senior high school can be stressful to many adolescents. It can be likened to being in a play: Where do I fit in? Am I the lead actor or a supporting actor, the director, or one of the stage hands? Then when I find my place, what type of interaction will I have with the others in the play? As a parent who wants the very best for your children you can help them adjust to the challenges of a new school year by being engaged in the entire process.

How then can you as a parent help prepare your child to be ready for the upcoming school year? As we all know there are the school supplies, clothes and other items needed for them to start the year successfully. However, we do not want to forget some of the more intrinsic values important for character building. We as parents must teach by example how to be polite and considerate of others, and how to adapt to difficult situations. Teach them that they cannot always control the outcome of every situation but they can control how they respond. Children need to behave more politely than how they feel. Winning fairly and losing graciously is what we as adults need to model at all times. The old saying “Do as I say, not as I do” will not work! Children who learn these valuable character traits will surely be started on the right track to success in life.

Martin Brokenleg, a professor of Native American Studies at Augustana College in Sioux Falls, South Dakota, says that our children are starving emotionally for our attention. On the average, a mother spends only three minutes a day communicating with her child, while the average dad spends forty-nine seconds. Spending quality family time with your children, reinforcing acceptable behavior may be the most important thing parents can do for their children. Tiffany Francis, an etiquette teacher, says: “Cooperation, punctuality, conversation skills and respect are all learned around the dining table.” If you are a person who works outside the home, another dimension will be added to the mix. I have raised three children while holding part-time work outside the home, so I can relate to the time constraints you may be experiencing. 

In all the busyness of life, we as parents must remember that our most important role is to nurture resilient children with the strength of spirit to deal with adversity. Adversity builds character and a solid character leads to a more successful life. And we cannot help them develop character if we give them every material thing they desire.

Thoughts to ponder

• Parenting is not for sissies or for those who are faint of heart.
• An important step in negotiating the mine fields of parenting is to realize that we are not our child’s friend; we are their parent and in being so there will be tough decisions to make.
• A sense of humor is one of the most valuable assets of a parent.
• From the time our children are babies, they know how to push our buttons, so don’t give in.
• Post this statement on your fridge: “No is a complete sentence in our home.”
• In these days of frenzied activity, we need to let our children be children and to make life as uncomplicated for them as possible

To lighten your day:

The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume knob also turns to the left.
Jerry M. Wright

I’m not forty; I’m eighteen with twenty years experience.
Anonymous

The old believe everything, the middle-aged suspect everything, the young know everything.
Oscar Wilde

For more detailed help on how to raise your teens successfully check out: Slow Parenting in a Fast Paced World at NurseAudrey.com/resources.html

In this dog-eat-dog world, kindness may not always fit comfortably within our lifestyle. At times difficult decisions must be made promptly leaving little time to consider the feelings of others. But let me add that kindness is, and always should be, the foundation on which our culture and civilization is built. But is it? Watching and listening to the daily news as it is being reported, kindness and consideration for others surely seems to be at a premium.

Kindness means compassion, and compassion means to feel with the heart. I’m sure that we can all remember times when something was said to us in the heat of the moment that left us feeling hurt and resentful. Rather than dwelling on preconceived thoughts as to what was meant by the words spoken, let us, instead, listen with our hearts for the emotions behind the words. Doing so will give us a fresh perspective of the incident and help release us from any unnecessary hurt feelings. Besides, the incident that precipitated the offence may not have had anything to do with us in the first place, but rather may have resulted from a hold-over of a previous emotion on the part of the other person. I have found that living by this principle has enabled me to smooth out many of my personal relationships with family and friends.

I think the act of mercy follows kindness. Mercy in its purest form means to be lenient, forbearing and compassionate. Take a moment to think upon these three attributes of mercy. What a pleasure it is to have them shown to us by someone, but even greater is it when we purposefully direct them toward others. What a world it would be if humankind everywhere would show mercy and kindness to others first, and put their own needs and interests last.

The dispensing of kindness and mercy means that justice will naturally follow. True justice brings fairness, fair treatment and equity to all. Isn’t this what we want for ourselves and for others? When true justice is served it brings joy to the upright and to the good.

Finally, when all is said and done, peace will be the natural outcome. I challenge you to make an effort in the next while to listen with your heart for the emotions behind the words that are spoken to you, and to give out mercy and kindness to others as much as it is possible. You may fail a few times, but so what? Try again; it’s worth the effort if it brings a new perspective to your daily living.

I welcome your comments or suggestions.

Points to Ponder

No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.
Aesop (c 550 BC) Greek Fable-maker

I expect to pass through life but once. If, therefore, there be any kindness I can show, or any good thing I can do to any fellow being, let me do it now, for I shall not pass this way again.
William Penn English Quaker and founder of Pennsylvania, USA.

Until next time, this is Nurse Audrey signing off.

In the last post we looked at the problems relating to greed. I hope you found in it something of interest and possibly helpful to you. Today, we will take a look at pride – the good and the bad of it.There is nothing wrong with the pleasure and satisfaction of doing something beneficial for ourselves or for others. Our self-esteem can get a tremendous boost from doing a job well and can even be the catalyst that drives us toward greater accomplishments. Research shows that the fastest way to increase the feelings of self-worth is to do something that gives us a sense of pride and satisfaction. We can also have pride in our neighborhood and, therefore, we keep it clean and attractive looking.

Arrogance, Haughtiness, Vanity, and Conceit – the Family of Pride

Let’s look at the flip side of the coin, the ugly side of pride. Pride and conceit are closely related. Pride seems to deal with having an undue high opinion of one’s own worth or possessions. Whereas, conceit deals more closely with a too high opinion of one’s self and our ability to do things. Following closely to conceit is vanity. Vanity occurs when one has too much pride in one’s looks, ability, or accomplishments. Vanity keeps people in favor with themselves, and out of favor with others. In addition, other family members of pride are haughtiness and arrogance. People are labeled haughty and arrogant when they become too proud and contemptuous of others – they are overbearing individuals. Remember the saying, “Pride comes before a fall.”

Develop Healthy Pride

Humility is the ability to give up your pride and still retain your dignity. Vanna Bonta

We all have marveled at the humility of great people even when they have accomplished extraordinary feats. The expression of humility does not show up in them at a moment’s notice; rather, it has become their lifestyle involving both their small and large deeds. Thankfully, overcoming pride and its destructive relatives and incorporating humility instead, is well within the reach of us all. Perform a cost-benefit analysis of the advantages and disadvantages of pride vs. humility. After listing all the ways that these can help or hurt you, you will be in a position to make an enlightened decision, and in the process develop a healthier value system.

Thoughts for Today;

“Show class, have pride, and display character. If you do, winning takes care of itself.”
Paul Bryant

“Pride is a personal commitment. It is an attitude which separates excellence from mediocrity.”
William Blake

“Generosity is giving more than you can, and pride is taking less than you need.”
Kahlil Gibran

I trust that you are having a pleasant summer.
Until next time, this is Nurse Audrey signing off!

What motivates some of us to achieve greatness, bringing benefits to many, while others are motivated to achieve a measure of success, but not affecting people in a wholesome or positive way? I suggest that it has something to do with our attitude and the way we conduct ourselves. We can motivate people with selfish reasons or we can motivate them with unselfish ones.

I have chosen for consideration some ways in which we can motivate, either in positive or negative ways.

Greed

Greed is defined as the quality of wanting more than one’s share. It has many faces and by nature can be very insidious. We may not even know that we are controlled by this behavior and so it becomes part of our lifestyle. The basis of this type of behavior lies in selfishness, and may have its origin in childhood experiences. Some children are basically selfish, and unless they are taught to be otherwise, they may grow up with the tendency toward greediness. In time, this can become a serious issue as these children grow up in a competitive world.

Selfishness spawns greed and raises its ugly head as we covet things that belong to others. Covetousness can range from an intense desire to own a stately house to a desire for someone else’s fashionable clothes. This type of coveting can, and usually does, lead to an unhealthy lifestyle with the necessity to work longer and harder in order to live beyond our means. When we spend more time working to satisfy the greed of wanting more, we spend less time for relaxation and leisure. This is a recipe for anxiety and stress.

In addition, we may also covet the relationships others have. However, what we see in them may only be an illusion of reality, for we don’t really know what is going on in their private lives. Viewing them in this way can only lead to dissatisfaction with our own relationships, and could jeopardize our own growth potential. Instead of envying others, we need to examine the dissatisfaction we have in our relationships and set out to remedy them. Remember, greed and selfishness work hand in hand and can ultimately destroy any good relationship.

Considering Others … A Better Way

Have you ever had anyone look at you sideways because of something you were doing, or were planning to do for the good of others? On occasion, I have experienced this, and have needed to set their opinions and actions aside in order to continue doing what I know I am called to do.

What may be the motives behind this type of behavior? Could it be that they do not think themselves capable of the same? Do they not have the resources at hand? Do they not have the heart to take the action themselves, or might they even be jealous of your generosity?

When reflecting on these things, I have often examined my own motives. Am I performing this good deed so that I will be noticed or recognized? Do I feel that this is something only I can do? Do I have a deeper motive, a more altruistic one? These are questions that need to be answered in the depths of our hearts as we embark on a journey of helping others, however small the project.

I have found great satisfaction in helping others, which is a wonderful and worthwhile antidote for greed and selfishness. It can change our perspective of life and help us become more compassionate, caring and generally a more rounded person. In addition, research has shown that the best way to increase our feelings of self-worth is to consider the needs of others. Being dominated by greed and selfishness can never accomplish this, but will only weaken or destroy our sense of self-worth.

A generous man will himself be blessed, for he shares his food with the poor.
Proverbs 22:9 The Bible

This verse has great implications. It is not only to give food to the poor, but to live a lifestyle of giving in various ways. The giving of our resources can include our time, money, attention, and abilities, all done through compassion. As the saying goes, learn to “walk in their shoes.”

In the next post we will look at a few more issues that motivate us and how they can help us balance our lives in a more positive vein.

I welcome your feedback.

Until next time, this is Nurse Audrey signing off!

Have you ever felt that you are your own worse enemy? By this I mean, do you often undermine someone’s good word or deed to you by saying, “No, it can’t be true, I am not worthy”? Do you sometimes do things impulsively without prior care and planning, only to find out later that you were not prepared for an unanticipated emergency? These types of self-undermining behavior can often lead to significant stress.

You may think that most of the incidents you face are minor and only produce small amounts of stress. However, it is the steady drip, drip of stress hormones into your body’s tissues, cells, and organs that can do more damage than occasional major stress.

So what type of self-destructive, stress producing behavior am I referring to? These can be found in many different areas of life; at work, in social situations, or at home.

So let’s see what some of them are:

• Many people are on the work, work, work, treadmill. For example, they often find themselves too busy to take part in some family bonding activities. If you are one of those who, because of business commitments, are prone to saying no to such events, you probably would do well to examine your priorities. Failing to do so could negatively affect the quality of your relationship with your family.
• Do you suffer from the “keep up with Joneses’” syndrome? Is it really necessary to buy that new car, that larger house with its higher payments, or to upscale in any other way? At first you may feel that these are important issues to consider for yourself, but unknowingly you may be engaging in a behavior with dire consequences. Consider this, what will your stress level be as the bills pile up and the pressure mounts and you seemingly have no way out?
• Not preparing well for a traveling vacation can be highly stressful. Pre-travel stress can be significantly reduced if you prepare in advance travel lists of things to do, things to see, and things to take along. (If you haven’t done so already, download our free report “How To Have A Stress-Free Summer Vacation”.)
• Using the cell phone in the car is becoming a controversial issue. Stress automatically increases as you try to cope with heavy traffic while holding your cell phone in one hand. Plan to make or receive calls only when parked, or at the least use a hands-off phone system.
• When leaving the house, a store, a bank, or any other business, take a moment to look back to see if you have left anything behind – a real de-stressor!
• Papers piling up from the daily mail along with the tasks of things to do may seem insurmountable. Designate a certain evening of the week to attack the mail and one by one taker care of them right away. “Procrastination is the thief of time”; it is one of the lead causes of avoidable stress.
• Leave plenty of time for unexpected delays when driving to work, going to an appointment or when shopping. Traffic tie ups and crowded stores can be a frustrating experience when you are in a hurry, but will not be a problem if you have time to spare.
• Spending precious minutes in a drive through restaurant, waiting for your turn to be served can be big stressor. The minutes drag on while you wait, vowing that you will never take the drive through on this day and at this time again. But here you are once again in the same line-up –on the same week day, at the same day. I suggest that you park the car and go into the restaurant on foot!
• At home have a designated place for keys, a container for vitamins, and the closet organized as to coordinated outfits. These small changes can make your daily routine run more smoothly.
• Have a designated file for anything important, guarantees, investments, insurance etc. these can them be accessed at a moments notice.

I am sure that you can think of other things you can do to help minimize self-imposed stress. Time passes quickly, we should not cram more and more things into our days, but rather learn to cherish the moments, savor the hour and enjoy the minutes as they are lived.

To lighten your day:

An attorney is on his deathbed in hospital. A friend comes to visit and finds the lawyer frantically leafing through the Bible. “What are you doing?” the visitor asks. The sick lawyer replies, “Looking for loopholes.”

In these busy days, one may ask: “Who has time to pause?” Life seems to be filled with one rush after another leaving us little time to pause and reflect. But there is value in taking strategic pauses throughout a busy day. These pauses produce a natural, powerful rise in our biological energy. It is this biological energy that influences, in a positive way, our thoughts, feelings, attentiveness, and actions.

The busyness that many of us experience from day to day is often the result of our desire to get ahead and stay ahead at any cost. And in the process, we sophisticated humans look more like the gerbil running on his treadmill in a cage getting nowhere fast (unless he uses the treadmill to exercise and build up his cardio-vascular system; if so, he is wiser than most of us humans give him credit.) At any rate, we too can be so busy spinning our own wheels, doing more while accomplishing less. What we are experiencing here is called “impaired alertness.” This is numbness of the mind and body brought on by us pushing ourselves harder and longer while sleeping less and less. Our energy thus becomes depleted and we subject ourselves to fatigue and many health problems.

We may think that we are alert, but in reality we are driven by energy that is produced by tension and stress. Thriving on this type of energy can escalate to greater physical and mental breakdown. Studies show that when we work longer than twenty or thirty minutes on a single task without a short break, our problem-solving time increases 500 percent and we become irritable and short-tempered.

There are two different ways to rejuvenate and increase our production while reducing stress:

1. Strategic pauses which involve only thirty seconds taken every half hour

2. Essential breaks which involve two or three minutes, taken two or more times a day

Use your pauses or breaks in the following strategies:

• After sitting sedentary, get up from your chair and rejuvenate yourself by stretching, or by doing a simple exercise such as wall pushups. Research shows that by simply standing up every half hour, we increase our alertness and energy by up to 30 percent. Also, even a slight slump of the shoulders depletes lung capacity by as much as 30 percent.
• Take a few deep breaths and relax your breathing. When we chronically under-breathe or have frequent halts in breathing, we are depriving our body of oxygen, leading to tension and tiredness. Practice deep breathing on a regular basis and you will experience relaxation and vigor.
• Eyestrain is a common cause of fatigue. An interesting fact is that the tiny muscles in the human eye use more energy than any other muscle fibre in the body; consequently, eyestrain often results. To reduce eyestrain, pause and look away from your task. Some say that looking at a red object is best, but a picture of your favorite nature scene will also do. In some studies, it was found that those who spent all day at desk jobs but took pauses to view nature scenes nearly doubled their job satisfaction ratings. In addition, they felt less frustrated and were more patient.
• read more

Points to Ponder

The time to relax is when you don’t have time for it.
Sydney J. Harris

Your mind will answer most questions if you learn to relax.
William S. Burroughs

Sometimes the most urgent thing you can do is take a complete rest.
Ashleigh Brilliant

Until next time, this is Nurse Audrey signing off!

Most of us desire to be on friendly terms with others, and do not consciously go out of our way to be socially disagreeable. But in the process, we may bend a little too far backwards in order to keep the peace, and in doing so create stress-producing emotions.Saying yes too often can be emotionally stressful because we may be committing ourselves to tasks that we are not really skilled or qualified to do. We need to remember that our time and health are paramount in any situation. Therefore, positioning ourselves in a place where we do not want to be can lead to unnecessary stress. This we do not want to do.

Some requests that are conditioned on a yes answer may require much of your time, energy, wisdom, skills or even money. Saying yes on a consistent basis to these requests can be emotionally and physically harmful both to us and to others. Therefore, it is highly important to know your capabilities and limitations before committing to doing certain tasks.

What motivates us to readily answer yes to many requests?

• There may be people in your life who make a habit of asking you, or someone else, to do something for them that they themselves can do, but won’t. This can become a trap, making you the contributor to their lack of initiative.

• You may answer yes because in the spur of the moment you are taken off guard by the request, and you answer yes without giving it much thought. By giving a quick yes response, you may stretch your already thin resources to the breaking point.

• The request made may come from a person whose friendship you cherish and want to keep, so under pressure you may answer yes even against your better judgment.

In these examples, I see that there is an underlying reason for saying yes, and it may boil down to simply how we view ourselves. Do we have a history of wanting to please others at any cost? Are we not comfortable with certain types of confrontation, so we quickly answer yes?

I would like to suggest a little exercise you can do to be at ease in saying no. …read more

I am not referring to physical eyesight per se, but, rather the ability and foresight for us to think more about the needs of others, and less about our own needs.

Albert Schweitzer said it well,
“Sometimes our light goes out but is blown into flame by another human being. Each of us owes deepest thanks to those who have rekindled this light.”

To truly understand this statement, we may need to experience the flickering or even the extinguishing of our light, or our mental vision. Our light can flicker or even go out through experiencing the loneliness of losing a loved one, the devastation of losing a job, or the difficulty of dealing with family challenges.

It is our choice to be consumed with our own problems and needs, or chose to be compassionate and reach out beyond ourselves to the needs of others.

Being overly concerned with our own needs can be the cause of much of our anxiety and stress. Our world shrinks when we use our energies primarily to solve our own problems rather that reaching out to help others with their problems.

Why do we not reach out to others on a regular basis? Time constraints are often an excuse. Time needed for job duties, time needed for family and social duties. Just not enough time!

I encourage you to read the following quotes carefully and let your heart guide you.
 

Closing thoughts:

In the big playground of life, you can’t swing alone.
Ziggy by Tom Wilson

There are many things in life that will catch your eye, but only a few will catch your heart…pursue.
Michael Nolan

And now here is my secret, a very simple secret, it is only with the heart that one can see slightly. What is essential is invisible to the eye.
Antoinede Saint – Exupery

The greatest treasures are those invisible to the eye, but found by the heart.
Anonymous

Sometimes the heart sees what is invisible to the eyes.
Anonymous

The greatest goal of the human heart is to reach down to another.
Unknown

I invite you to check out our membership site where you can read the differences between the The Physical Eye v/s The Heart Eye and download the many helpful resources.

The following humorous message is heartfelt as I trust that you will have a peaceful and prosperous 2008. I invite you to read my newsletter which will be posted on January 10th. In it you will find tips and strategies on how you can journey toward “stress free “ living.

2008 CONTRACT

After some very serious & cautious consideration…..

your contract of friendship has been renewed

for the New Year 2008!

It was a terribly hard decision to make,

so try not to screw it up!!!

My Wish for You in 2008

May peace break into your house
and may thieves come to steal your debts.

May the pockets of your jeans become
magnets for $100 bills —
or at least enough to keep you comfortable.

May those same jeans end up two sizes too big
as you miraculously lose the same few pounds
you’ve resolved to lose every New Year’s Day.

May love stick to your face like Vaseline
and may laughter assault your lips!

May your world be filled with the riches of family
& beautiful, rewarding relationships.

May you find that ever-elusive extra hour each day
to meditate, decompress, exercise, laugh,
call a long lost friend or simply
to stop and smell the roses.

May happiness slap you across the face
and may all your tears be tears of joy.

May the problems you had
forget your home address!

May you exercise & appreciate the joy
of giving of yourself to others — as a mentor, a friend,
an ear, a volunteer or in the form
of financial contributions, as you can.

May 2008 find you & your family in good health,
and may you do YOUR part to maintain
or work toward a more healthy lifestyle.

May your life be filled with the Good Lord’s blessings,
and may you take the time & have the sense
to recognize them & be thankful.

In simple words ………..

May 2008 be the best year of your life
– to date, that is!

Happy New Year, My Friend!!!!

Print this Blog, post it, and read its important message whenever you need a lift!
Until next time, this is Nurse Audrey saying:
Go for it and make 2008 your best year ever!

Am I entitled in this life to be happy all the time?
Am I entitled to have others treat me kindly?
Am I entitled to meet and live with my “soul mate”?
The answer is an unequivocal, No!

Yes, there are times when we may feel this way, but if we look at life through the eyes of entitlement, we will be disappointed. There will always be an inward battle between what we think we deserve and what life doles out to us.

In the end it comes down to anticipation vs expectation.
How disappointing life can be if we expect to be treated fairly and kindly all the time. Yes, we can anticipate that relationships and life in general will go our way, but can we always expect it?

This is the blueprint that we need to take through life and to instill into our children’s lives as well. It is never more important to do this than at this time of year, when their eyes light up with anticipation of receiving the many gifts on their list.

A final thought:
If we want to live in the sunshine all the time, we must live in the desert. Yes, it is the wind and the rain in life that help us develop into the kind of people who can touch others and ultimately find fulfillment in life.     

I am going to let the Blog have a rest over the holidays and will meet with you again early in 2008.
May you have a restful season and I look forward to connecting with you in the New Year!

Until next time, this is Nurse Audrey signing off.