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De-stress Yourself

by Audrey Pihulyk

When life gets you down, turn it around.

Stress is a word that is used in a variety of contexts today. We may talk about job stress, stress of retirement, stress of exercise, stress of family problems, or even the stress of traffic tie-ups. But stress can be experienced in many different ways. Think, for example, of a wife dealing with the daily challenges of caring for her husband who has been stricken with Alzheimer’s disease, or the bus driver whose route is through the busy centre of a large city. Even though their situations are different, both experience stress-producing factors and stressors that make demands on them both physically and emotionally.

However, enjoyable activities such as planning a wedding or giving birth to a baby can also produce stress. Hans Selye, the father of modern stress research, defined stress as “the non-specific response of the body to any demand made upon it.” Stress then, can be either positive or negative. Positive stress, or healthy stress, can be challenging yet joyful; while negative stress, if not treated, can be destructive. Every day we are faced with issues that challenge us, whether they are related to family, job, financial or environmental issues.

Many of us begin each day preparing for work where we will spend about twenty-five percent of our adult life. We have all heard the saying, “Find a job you love and you’ll never work another day in your life.” Unfortunately, in this complex and busy world this statement does not hold true for many of us. Because major stress producers such as unhappiness in the workplace, personality clashes and disharmony among workers, and miscommunication between staff and management often bring conflicts that rob us of our love for our job.

Whether the conflicts that produce stress occur between management and staff or between different staff members, there are some basic things that we can do to lessen the impact of stress. If we understand the issues that brought on the conflicts in the first place then we could develop strategies to resolve the issues before they become major stress producers.

One suggestion would be to have clearly defined guidelines of pending projects and the deadlines for their completion. The deadlines should be attainable and agreed upon by all concerned. This would help reduce or even eliminate potential problems that might arise from any misunderstandings and delays.

Another suggestion would be to initiate a personality study of those who make up the company’s workforce. The purpose of the study would be to compose a personality profile of each individual in the workforce that could be used to identify their strengths and weaknesses. From this it could be determined why individuals act or behave the way they do; it could reveal their leadership qualities, or lack of; their ability to mobilize workers; their talent to improve customer relations, to name a few. Placing individuals in positions of their strength would go a long way towards bringing harmony and success both for the company and its workers.

Should there still be conflict that cannot be resolved, a person affected may have to decide whether it is better to stay at that job, make adjustments where necessary, or seek employment elsewhere. The decision will depend on how much a person enjoys the job, the severity of stress the situation is causing, and whether proper adjustments can be made.

Lack of serviceable skills to match your job position may be another issue that can lead to conflicts and inevitable job stress. Therefore, if your time management and organizational skills are not what they should be, company-sponsored training may be available for you; and if not, you may want to look for this type of training on your own time and at your own expense. Realizing what job skills you need or are lacking, and getting the appropriate training for them is vital toward achieving personal success and job satisfaction. As an employee of a company that you enjoy working for, and being aware of your options and what action you can take—this can empower you to become more successful with managing the stresses you experience in the workplace.

Family dynamics also play a large part in the current stress epidemic. Such dynamics may include deaths, births, illnesses, separations, divorces and the care of aging parents. How these are viewed and handled by those most closely affected can either increase or decrease the level of stress experienced. As we all have our own set of values, priorities, and patterns of behaviour, it is understandable that the greatest area of family stress comes from the interaction within the family itself.

In addition to these dynamics, pressing family obligations that affect our time, energy, and financial resources bring additional stress to our families. Certainly financial burdens rate high on the list of stressors. However, one can reduce or even eliminate stress by living within one’s means, by putting money aside for emergencies, by cutting back on some luxuries, and by shopping wisely.

While the stress mentioned above is caused by external forces, we need remember that internal forces of thoughts and emotions are the leading causes of stress. Our minds are powerful instruments that act as a rudder directing our thoughts, emotions, and actions. Seeing that we spend much of our time concerned with job related issues, and negative thoughts left unchallenged can greatly impact our job satisfaction. And if we nurture these illogical or negative thoughts, the body will continually produce large amounts of stress hormones, especially cortisol, which can cause serious physical, mental, or emotional breakdown. Our thoughts and attitudes can, therefore, either produce or relieve stress, thereby greatly affecting how we feel about ourselves and our job.

Unfortunately, irrational thoughts can extend into the dynamics of the family or its social life as well, bringing with it excessive stress. When we entertain thoughts that portray others as being unfair, excluding us from making important decisions, or maybe that our ego is not being stroked like we want, we often open ourselves up to much unnecessary stress. Notice that most irrational thoughts are self-centered. It is wisely said that a person wrapped up in himself makes a pretty small package.

We need to develop healthy coping skills to deal with these stress-producing thoughts and attitudes. The first step to recovery is to admit to these irrational thoughts and take responsibility for them. We must accept ourselves as we are, realizing that we all have limitations. And lower the expectations we have of ourselves and of others. Reject perfectionism and the temptation to sit in judgment of others. If you are a perfectionist, there is good probability that you will be a loser in everything you do. There is not much of an advantage to being a perfectionist. Lowering your expectations will make you feel better and you will become more effective in whatever you do.

I highly recommend the book, Feeling Good, the New Mood Therapy, authored by Dr. David Burns, as an excellent resource for helping reconstruct negative thoughts. Burns is a strong proponent of cognitive therapy which deals with how our thinking decides our actions, and our actions ultimately determine our life’s direction. Research shows that the cognitive approach to counselling is more effective than many other forms of counselling in both the short and long term recovery.

With the effort given to changing irrational thoughts comes the need for a “Stress Action Plan.” When faced with an immediate stressful situation, stop what you are doing, clear your mind of all thoughts, identify the irrational thoughts that precipitated the stress and replace them with more realistic ones.

In his book, The Quieting Reflex, Dr. Charles Stroebel, introduces a unique way in which to immediately relieve stress. The process is called the “The Quieting Reflex”. While Stroebel covers this system in some detail, I present it here in a nutshell.

When you are becoming aware that stress is an issue, prepare yourself. With your eyes open, repeat a simple word, such as “relax” and then smile a little. Next, tell yourself that you have an alert and amused mind and calm body. Do this while inhaling an easy, deep abdominal breath, as though through holes in the soles of your feet. Let your jaw and shoulders go limp. You will immediately feel the weight of heaviness lift, and a warm feeling replacing the tension in your body. Do this whenever possible and see the affect this has on both your emotional stability and self-image.

There are other ways in which to relieve stress. Some of the more common ones are: weight training, aerobic exercise, progressive muscle relaxation, meditation, stretching, and alternative activities - those activities that are opposite from the ones that usually cause you stress, and of course practice using humour and having fun. The type of stress relieving strategy you use is not important as long as it works for you.

Remember, exercising, deep breathing, and quite thoughts are good for the mind and emotions. Their benefits are far reaching in helping you overcome the stress factor in your life, enabling you to be more relaxed and productive.

Audrey is the “Stress Strategist,” who brings to your audience cutting-edge strategies and thought-provoking ideas, always with a touch of humour. Her motivating keynote and interactive breakouts are described as inspiring and energizing.

Her book: I Really Gotta Quit! Break Free from Eating Disorders & Other Addictions, together with her audio programs are available through her website. To order product, or to book “Nurse Audrey” to speak at your next meeting, email her at: audrey@possibilitiesnetwork.com, or contact her through her web site: www.possibilitiesnetwork.com , or call 1-866-484-2197

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