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Developing Resiliency Through Humor

by Audrey Pihulyk

The passing of my parents, the recent and tragic death of a teenage friend, and the death of my beloved dog, Tubby, have given me a glimpse into the world of loss and grief. Death of a loved one, however, is just one aspect of grief. There is also the grief of anticipation denied, as in sterility, job promotion, hope lost for a better family situation, or desperate health problems.

While there are a number of coping mechanisms to help in these situations, in this article I would like to present humor as one of the tools that can help us deal with grief and loss. There are those who are suspicious of humor, thinking that it is non-productive and silly. But humor is really a way of looking at life that can help us thrive in change and stay healthy in the process.

Seeing the value in humor has a rather short history, while the idea of humorlessness has been around for centuries. Consider the Puritans that landed on the East Coast of America 400 years ago. In those early days the idea of “keeping your nose to the grindstone” probably stood the pioneers in good stead as they cleared the land and toiled endlessly to make a living. However, this mind-set of work and no play continues even today in our enlightened, high-tech, success-driven world.

Unfortunately, tragedy will visit all of us. It is something we do not anticipate but has a way of taking our feet out from under us, leaving us to swim in a sea of uncertainty. Allowing humor to step in can be a gift, giving us grace under pressure, enabling us to cope with life’s challenges. Humor can open our minds to different perspectives which in turn will help us make adjustments to our behavior.

The television series M*A*S*H* is a prime example of humor’s ability to help us deal with tragedy. The most painful human experiences were played out before our eyes, possibly bringing poignant memories to many viewers. But it was the humor – even the black humor in many cases – that made the show memorable and the scenes bearable. This type of “hospital humor” is what helps those in the medical profession deal with death and dying. I have found this to be the case in my own nursing career.

On one occasion, one of my male patients was booked for serious bowel surgery; and knowing the stress he was experiencing, I decided to lighten the situation. As I began to prep him for the enema, I asked him if I would stand to receive money if I took a picture of him in that position. This comment lightened the tense, embarrassing moment as we shared a laugh together.

Unlike the animal world, we as humans are not locked into our immediate experience, into the here and now, into a narrow perspective. Fortunately, we have the ability to view our losses from an objective standpoint with our eyes open to new possibilities. Shutting humor out of our challenging situations is like looking through the small lens of binoculars: all we can see is the problem. But using humor is like viewing the situation through the large lens, our perspective is enlarged and we can see our problems in a different way.

For example, at the time of a divorce we can be devastated for many reasons. The grief may be overwhelming as we ponder why we have been set aside or why we could not make

the marriage work. However, as time goes by, we may see the loss more objectively, develop new interests, and eventually even be able to smile about it.

Yes, humor has a way of helping us look at life’s tragedies with an objective eye. My mind goes back to the occasion of my mother’s funeral. She passed away a few years ago, at the age of 84, after having lived a full life dedicated to others. At the funeral, guests were encouraged to comment on the impact she had made on their lives; many did so with a smile or laughter. The warmth that radiated from the guests helped us deal with our grief and loss. I’m sure that you have all attended the gathering that follows funerals in which friends and family meet to remember the loved one. The conversation invariable turns to warm and happy memories and humorous incidents that give the bereaved needed encouragement.

Humor can be a great asset in lifting our spirits during times of difficulty and loss. Nature has generously given us hormones called endorphins which actually diminish physical and psychological pain, and which are released during sustained laughter. This interesting phenomenon is documented in Norman Cousin’s book Head First: The Biology of Hope. Cousins suffered from a devastating form of connective tissue disease in his back which kept him in constant pain. Conventional methods of pain control failed to help him, so he turned to other means of recovery and found humor to be one of the most effective. Surrounding himself with humorous people and comedy films, Cousins discovered that ten minutes of belly laughter gave him two hours of pain free sleep. Metcalf and Felible, in their book Lighten Up, state that laughter is also very important in the recovery of drug addicts and alcoholics. In recovery programs that use humor as one of the forms of treatment, subjects laugh at what used to terrify them, resulting in an increased sense of perspective and inner control.

While grief and loss in its many forms can be paralyzing, humor with its many benefits demands that we give it a second look to help us deal with the challenges of loss and grief and to assist us on to a fulfilling life.

Nurse Audrey is the “Stress Strategist,” who brings to your audience cutting-edge strategies and thought-provoking ideas, always with a touch of humour. Her motivating keynote and interactive breakouts are described as inspiring and energizing.

Her book: I Really Gotta Quit! Break Free from Eating Disorders & Other Addictions, together with her audio programs are available through her website. To order product, or to book Audrey to speak at your next meeting, email her at: audrey@possibilitiesnetwork.com, or contact her through her web site: www.possibilitiesnetwork.com , or call 1-866-484-2197

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